DEAR ABBY: My sister’s husband committed suicide several years ago while they were going through a divorce. They had had a volatile relationship. She and her husband treated people very badly. They were tyrants, dominating and demeaning others.
Her husband left a nasty suicide note blaming her. But now she talks about him and their relationship like it’s some amazing love story. She now claims the suicide note was a love letter to her! The incidents in which she behaved badly turned into stories in which she was kind and caring. Although she complained about our parents and her childhood for many years, she now claims it was “magic”. (It wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t magic.)
When she says these things, I recoil inwardly and remain silent. I know she was shocked by her husband’s suicide, and I don’t want to make the situation worse or push her to the limit. She sees a therapist, but I’m pretty sure she’s not telling the real story to her therapist. What she’s telling me the therapist is saying doesn’t sound real.
I love my sister even though she mistreated me many times. I fear that if I confront her with the truth, she will collapse or get mad at me. But I’m uncomfortable listening to his review of the story and don’t know how to respond. No advice? – “TRUTH” FOUZZLE
DEAR “TRUTH”: Your sister rewrote history because the truth is too much for her to face. Confronting her with the truth would be a waste of time because she will only recede into denial. If listening to her great stories is too much for you, see her and talk to her less often or CHANGE THE TOPIC.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 10 year old girl who plays the violin. The method used by my teacher is the private violin lesson and a group lesson. Sometimes we have them in person, sometimes on Zoom. There’s a girl my age there who thinks I want to be her best friend. She has lots of friends. I know because she talks A LOT.
When I try to work on the difficult parts, she tries to argue with me. On Zoom, she can’t stop chatting privately with me and gets frustrated when I don’t respond. I tried playing with her once, but she is very egotistical and often doesn’t consider what I think. It doesn’t help that our fathers are good friends. Am I mean for not wanting to be friends with her, or am I right? – VIOLINIST IN THE WEST
DEAR VIOLINIST: The girl should not distract you when you try to pay attention to your teacher or put into practice what you have learned. You are a smart girl. Find the courage to tell her that you don’t want to argue during class. As for being his “best friend,” because your father and his are “great friends,” you probably can’t rule it out entirely. But tell your dad how you feel and that she is trying to interfere with your violin lessons.
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